Ever wondered why our parents would say- “Don’t talk to
strangers” or “Always eat food with your mouth closed”? Ever wondered why at
times you would skip the traffic signal when it’s red, knowing it’s not a good
practice? Ever wondered why you would refuse to a deal, when it’s not feasible?
The human brain functions differently in different
situations. The reaction to these different situations is governed by our State
of Mind, our Ego. In early 1950s,
renowned psychologist Eric Berne defined ego as “a consistent pattern of
feeling and experience directly related to a corresponding consistent pattern
of behavior”. In simple words,
it’s simply our state of self or, how we react in different situations.
Berne classified
Ego into three states - the Parent Ego,
the Adult Ego and the Child Ego.
The Parent Ego State
This state is
driven by the feelings, thinking and behavior we have absorbed from our previous
generations or parents and significant others. As we grow up, we instill these
aspects from our parents and caretakers. We may notice that sometimes we are
saying and doing things just as our parents/grand parents may have done; even
though consciously we may not necessarily want to. For example, many
superstitions we follow have been passed on to us by our parents or elders;
they may not have any supporting logic.
The Adult ego state
This state is
driven out of logical thinking – where we can differentiate the good from the
bad, the right from the wrong. The Adult Ego state is free from any
preconceived notions and lets us see people as they are rather than what they
are projected as. We can ask for information rather than make assumptions. For
example, if you don’t know how to swim, you would not get into a swimming pool,
no matter how much your friends would insist.
The Child ego state
Imagine that your
boss calls you into his or her office; you immediately get a churning in your
stomach and wonder what might have gone wrong. And then there are situations
when we would speed our cars exceeding the permissible speed limits, or do
something which we know is not allowed or permitted. The Child ego state is
governed by such ‘I don’t care’ attitude.
Taking the best from
the past and using it appropriately in the present is an assimilation of the
positive aspects of both our Parent and Child ego states. This is usually
called the Integrating Adult. This means we are constantly updating ourselves
through our everyday experiences and using this to keep ourselves aware.
Whatever type of ego
you might have, don’t let it get the better of you as Rusty Eric rightly said “When
you allow your ego to control your thoughts, everything you believe becomes an
illusion.”
- Sumit Chakravarty,
Faculty, INLEAD
Images Courtesy- Google Images
Images Courtesy- Google Images